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John Kerry: Medical Miracle

As shown in this compelling photographic evidence, Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry has just successfully pulled his head out of his ass. This marks a significant personal turning point for Kerry, and we at Neutiquam Erro wish him the best of luck in the long and arduous recovery ahead of him.


Leading medical experts expressed surprise at the rapidity of the procedure, which was apparently accomplished by an intern throwing a standard football at Kerry's exposed neck. Though doctors are optimistic about Kerry's recovery, at least one doctor warned that the possibiltiy of relapse will continue for as long as Kerry continues to, "act like a jackass at every oppurtunity."


Mr. Kerry and campaign staffers declined to comment on the procedure, and refused to speculate whether this success indicates Kerry will be investigating related removals. There has been much speculation in political circles that Kerry will go ahead with long-rumored plans to remove the stick from his ass as well.


In related news, Kerry's running mate, John Edwards, experienced severe trauma to his neck and lips during the procedure. The injuries were described as, "minor," and Edwards is expected to return to kissing Kerry's ass as soon as tomorrow.

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